An official post of my Harry Potter Valentines (including some new ones I didn’t post last night) !
The Hagrid one is kind of like… an insulting Valentine. So you can give it to your enemy to let them know you still don’t like them, but you wanted to include them on this emotional Hallmark holiday.
Happy Valentine’s Day! (bit early, woops)
-Kjersti (new york kitty)
THIS AIN’T A SCENE, IT’S A
my mom is rly gonna love this poem
every so often i think “where the fuck did corbin bleu go” but i don’t google it because i’m afraid to find out. i hope you’re okay out there corbin
I’m really mad so lemme just put this psa out into the world
DO YOU SEE THIS MASCARA? THIS MASCARA IS CALLED MAYBELLINE THE ROCKET VOLUME EXPRESS
I WENT TO GO BUY MASCARA THE OTHER DAY AND THIS SHIT WAS ONE DOLLAR CHEAPER THAN MY USUAL MASCARA (rimmel sexy curves) SO I BOUGHT IT (because I’m a fool of a took) AND I COULD WRITE SONNETS ABOUT THE WAYS IN WHICH IT IS TERRIBLE
THE BRISTLES ARE ODDLY SHORT AND DON’T CATCH YOUR LASHES PROPERLY EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE RUBBER OR PLASTIC OR SOME PINE NEEDLE SHIT
IT CLUMPED ALL OF MY EYELASHES IMMIDIATELY UPON IMPACT AND THEY WOULDN’T SEPARATE EVEN WHEN USING AN EYELASH COMB
IT WOULD NOT COME OFF. AND NO IT IS NOT THE WATERPROOF KIND BECAUSE I CHECKED FOR THAT BEFORE AND AFTER BUYING IT. I USED MAKEUP REMOVER TWICE, CLEANSED MY FACE WITH THE STRENGTH OF GASTON, TONED LIKE OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN IN THE 80’S, AND STILL HAD OPAQUE BLACK STREAKS DOWN MY FACE.
YOU KNOW HOW YOU BUY MASCARA AND YOU’RE SO EXCITED TO USE IT AND THEN THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT’S LIKE THE HEAVENS OPEN UP AND LITTLE CHERUBS FLOAT DOWN FROM PEARLESCENT CLOUDS AND KISS YOUR EYELASHES GENTLY AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AND THAT BEYONCE HERSELF HAS NODDED AT YOU AND WHISPERED “FIERCE”
USING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WAS MORE LIKE POOPING IN A PUBLIC TOILET
ON A SCALE OF ONE TO HORRENDOUS I WOULD GIVE IT ELEVEN MILLION STARS